The single biggest lie parents tell is that the love they have for their children is unconditional. Every child in the history of the world knows it is a lie because parents noticeably withdraw their love when the child disappoints their parents.
And yet parents continue to retail this lie.
The problem is in the language. "What happens when an irresistible force meets an immovable object?" The answer is that nothing happens for we are just running words up against one another. In this world, the only test we have of what is "irresistible" is that it has not been resisted so far. And likewise "immovable". Should what has heretofore been an irresistible object run up against what has heretofore been immovable, the end result will be that our understanding of one or the other will change based on what happens.
The universe is not obliged to conform to our reason. It works the other way around.
"Unconditional love" is just another "irresistible" or "unmovable". It stands until it doesn't.
Actually, it's much worse than that. Parents give or withdraw their love as a way of manipulating their children. That sounds horrible but it's just a way of raising children. It only sounds inhumane if you've allowed the impossible standard of "unconditional" to creep in to begin with. And this love can be, and often is, withdrawn for trivial reasons. A child embarrasses a parent in front of guests and the parent becomes cold and distant.
"But, "perhaps you insist, "the parent still loves the child even though they are unhappy with them." You think the child understands that? For that matter, do you think the parent reasons, "I am unhappy with little Joey but I still love him"? Does that seem even remotely plausible?
As an adult, you have to differentiate yourself from your parents and the question of "love" is a good place to start. This is where we can begin to see the parent as a human being and not the god-like figure they start off being for us.
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