People you can stop caring about

I mean stop caring about their opinions, not stop caring about them as human beings. (There was a time when such caveats weren't necessary; how I wish we had those days back again.)

You show up with a new pair of glasses for which you've paid a lot of money and someone says, "Those don't suit you." Or perhaps you're in your early twenties and you've purchased a new sports jacket, bringing your total of such jackets up to two, and a family member says, "I worry that you're getting obsessed with clothing." Or you've just read a novel or non-fiction book you loved or are wondering about some new ideas you've discovered or a new genre of music and someone undercuts your enthusiasm with some snide comment.

And it bothers you.

Life would be a lot easier if you could determine whether you need to take this person seriously. "Do I have to rethink my choices in light of this comment?" is really just another way of saying, "Is this a serious person?"

And that is precisely why you must decide whether they are. And you have the right to do this. Even if, as is almost always the case, it's someone who is otherwise important in your life.

There are people in your life who you must respect (a superior at work, your spouse's friend or sibling or parent) or even someone you love (members of your family or a lifelong friend) who aren't willing to be serious or who stop be able or willing to do so. They are so consistently shallow, insensitive, trite, inconsistent, untrustworthy, manipulative or just plain unobservant that you should stop taking them seriously. So stop taking them seriously!

Here's the challenge though: the only way to do this honestly is to tick them off the serious people list without their ever knowing that you have. Because your (or my) wanting them to know that they aren't taken seriously anymore is contradictory. On a psychological level, at least, you still care even if you have intellectually made the move. That's inevitable at the start. You need to change that. This is going to sound circular but the key to stop caring is to stop caring. You don't have to say a single thing to the other person. You just put them on a list (I use a real list that I keep in my wallet). Every time they say something that gets to you, you notice and redirect. You get upset but then redirect: "I don't need to take this person seriously!"